Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
