I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
