I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're like the curious george of whores
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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