I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
