He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
