Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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