I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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