You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
