I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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