Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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