I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
