maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need to calm my uterus...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
