Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
