You're so nebulous sometimes
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
