i just google imaged poop.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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