it was like eating out sand paper
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
