remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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