I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
