using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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