They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
