woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
