At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
