You just made me feel so damn special
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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