Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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