Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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