He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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