he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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