if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
