She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
