so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
time to smoke my breakfast
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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