he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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