Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
