you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
