The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
