I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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