Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize