my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
