It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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