I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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