Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
