I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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