member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
