Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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