so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
