Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
