so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
