i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
