If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
