I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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