i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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