Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
