The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
