Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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