I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
