He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
