Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize