I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
