Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
