Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
