We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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