tell your sister to shave her snatch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
