Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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