4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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