Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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