Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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