Fuck appropriateness.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
