Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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