We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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