OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I cut my penus on the lid.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
