my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm at about main and main street
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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