Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
