Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My life is pants optional.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
