like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
