Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
