the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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